Verses That Command Kindness to Parents, Even If They Are Disbelievers
Surah al-Isra (17:23–24):
17:23: “For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.”
17:24: “And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, ‘My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.’”
Surah Luqman (31:14–15):
31:14: “And We have commanded people to honour their parents. Their mothers bore them in hardship and delivered them in hardship. Their ˹period of˺ bearing and weaning is thirty months. In time, when the child reaches their prime at the age of forty, they pray, ‘My Lord! Inspire me to always be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instil righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.’”
31:15: “But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them. Still, keep their company in this world courteously, and follow the way of those who turn to Me ˹in devotion˺. Then to Me you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.”
Surah al-ʿAnkabut (29:8):
“We have commanded people to honour their parents. But if they urge you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them. To Me you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.”
Now Here Are Verses That Forbid Loyalty or Love to Those Who Oppose Allah and His Messenger, Even If They Are Your Parents
Surah at-Tawbah (9:23):
“O believers! Do not take your parents or siblings as trusted allies if they choose disbelief over belief. And whoever does so, it is they who are the ˹true˺ wrongdoers.”
Surah al-Mujadilah (58:22):
“You will never find a people who believe in Allah and the Last Day loving those who defy Allah and His Messenger, even if they were their parents, children, siblings, or extended family. They are the ones whose hearts Allah has impressed with faith and strengthened them with a spirit from Him. He will admit them into Gardens under which rivers flow, to stay there forever. Allah is pleased with them, and they are pleased with Him. They are the party of Allah. Surely Allah’s party will prevail!”
Translation: Allah, the Exalted, says—addressing the believers in Him and in His Messenger: “Do not take your fathers and your brothers as close allies and confidants” Meaning: Do not make them your inner circle or trusted friends to whom you reveal your secrets and expose the vulnerable aspects of Islam and its people, nor prefer to remain among them instead of migrating to the land of Islam. (This does not mean to not treat your parents with kindness even though they are disbelievers)
“if they prefer disbelief over faith.” That is: if they choose to disbelieve in Allah instead of believing in Him and affirming His oneness.
“And whoever among you allies himself with them”—that is, whoever from among you takes them as close allies instead of the believers, and prefers to remain with them over migrating to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and the land of Islam—
“Then those are the wrongdoers.” Meaning: those who do so are the ones who have disobeyed Allah’s command, placed loyalty in the wrong place, and violated His order.
It has also been said that this verse was revealed as a prohibition from Allah to the believers against showing allegiance to their relatives who had not migrated from the land of shirk to the land of Islam.
Tafsir At Tabari (11/383-384)
Al-Qurtubi said: Allah specifically mentioned “fathers and brothers” because there is no closer kinship than these. So He negated allegiance with them to show that true closeness is the closeness of religion, not the closeness of the body.
He did not mention children in this verse because, generally, children follow their parents. Acts of kindness and gifts are not included in what is forbidden from this wilayah (allegiance). As in the hadith where Asmaʾ said: “O Messenger of Allah, my mother has come to me, hoping for help, and she is a polytheist. Should I maintain ties with her?” He said: “Yes, keep ties with your mother.”
His saying, “if they prefer disbelief over faith”, is a restriction on the prohibition of taking them as allies. Istihbab (preferring) here means to choose and love something—it is said: istahabba something, meaning he loved it or chose it.
That is: do not take them as allies if they have chosen disbelief over faith and persist in their shirk and falsehood. But if they abandon that and enter into your religion, then there is no harm in taking them as allies and close companions.
