In a fatwa from Islamweb they said “فإن الله تعالى أوجب طاعة الأم في المعروف ولم يوجب طاعة زوجة الأب” which means that Allah has commanded children to obey their real mothers in what is right and good, but did not obligate obedience to a stepmother. (Click here to see the fatwa)
This would also apply to a step father aswell.
This distinction is clear from the in the Qur’an, and the Sunnah
Shayk Bin Baz, also directly speaks on this matter and says biological parents have more rights over child than a step parent.
Shayk Ibn Uthaymeen’s fatwa also aligns with Shayk Bin Baz’s fatwa.
We can conclude from this that typically the child will have to obey their biological parent over the step parent.
The Qur’an commands obedience, respect, and kindness to parents, specifically the biological mother and father:
- “وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا”
“We have enjoined upon man to be good to his parents.” (al-ʿAnkabūt 29:8) - “وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا”
“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and that you show kindness to your parents.” (al-Isrāʾ 17:23) - “وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ إِحْسَانًا ۖ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا”
“We have enjoined upon man to treat his parents kindly. His mother carried him in hardship and gave birth to him in hardship.” (al-Aḥqāf 46:15)
These verses show the obligation of obedience and kindness to the reality of biological parenthood, especially considering the sacrifices of the mother in pregnancy and hardship.
A stepmother did not give birth to the child, so the same ruling of wujūb (obligation) does not apply to her.
Evidence from the Sunnah
- The Prophet ﷺ was asked: “أي الناس أحق بحسن صحابتي؟” قال: “أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: “أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: “أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: “أبوك”
“Who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He said: “Your mother.” The man asked: “Then who?” He said: “Your mother.” He asked again: “Then who?” He said: “Your mother.” He asked once more: “Then who?” He said: “Your father.” (Bukhārī 5971, Muslim 2548)
This shows the priority of the biological mother, then the father. No mention is made of a stepmother having this right, which confirms that her position is not equal to the real mother.
Shayk Bin Baz answers the question: Does the stepmother have the same right as the mother?
The stepmother does not have the right of the mother. The stepmother only has a connection from the angle of being honoured, meaning out of respect for the father, from the angle of considering the feelings of the father.
This is like honouring the friend of the father. When a man said, O Messenger of Allah, is there anything left of dutifulness to my parents that I may do after them? He said, Yes, fulfilling their promises after them, honouring their friends, and maintaining the ties of kinship that cannot be maintained except through them.
So honouring their friend is part of dutifulness to them. The wife is from among the friends of the father, as is the wife of the grandfather, the wife of the son, and the wife of the mother. Honouring her is part of dutifulness to the mother.
Shayk Ibn Uthaymeen said after quoting the hadith: The Prophet ﷺ was asked: “أي الناس أحق بحسن صحابتي؟” قال: “أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: “أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: “أمك” قال: ثم من؟ قال: “أبوك” “Who is most deserving of my good companionship?” He said: “Your mother.” The man asked: “Then who?” He said: “Your mother.” He asked again: “Then who?” He said: “Your mother.” He asked once more: “Then who?” He said: “Your father.” (Bukhārī 5971, Muslim 2548)
This means that the mother has the greatest right to good treatment and companionship. But if the father has married a wife who is not the child’s mother, does she have the same status that Islam gave to the mother? The answer is no, she does not have that right.”
Does the wife of the father have the same right as the mother?
Shayk Ibn Uthaymeen said: The wife of the father does not have the right of the mother. The wife of the father has a connection from the angle of being honoured, meaning out of respect for the father, from the angle of showing regard for the father, because she is from the category of honouring the companion of the father.
When a man said: O Messenger of Allah, is there anything remaining of birr (dutifulness) to my parents that I can honour them with after their death? He said: Yes, fulfilling their pledge after them, honouring their friends, and keeping ties of kinship that are only connected through them.
So honouring their friend is from dutifulness to them, and the wife is from the companions of the father. And likewise the wife of the grandfather, the wife of the son, and the wife of the mother, honouring them is from birr to the mother.
