Shayk Ibn Baz said the waiting period for a widow is like that of other women, four months and ten days, because Allah, the Mighty and Majestic, said:
“And those of you who die and leave behind wives, they shall wait by themselves for four months and ten days” (al Baqara 234).
This applies generally to all: to those who menstruate, to the young, and to the elderly. Allah said: “and they leave behind wives, they shall wait by themselves for four months and ten days” (al Baqara 234).
The term “wives” means the women. So the wife must wait for four months and ten days, whether she is old, or young who menstruates, or one who does not menstruate. She must complete the waiting period of four months and ten days, that is one hundred and thirty days. Even if she menstruates, what is required of her is this waiting period as Allah commanded.
And it has also come from the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, that the woman whose husband dies must wait four months and ten days, exactly as the Quran states. During this period she must also observe ihdad (mourning).
Ihdad means avoiding adornment in clothing and similar things. She must not wear beautiful clothes, must not use kohl, must not use perfume, must not wear jewellery of gold, silver, or diamonds, and must not wear attractive clothing until she completes her waiting period.
In summary, five things must be observed by a woman in mourning due to her husband’s death:
- She remains in the house of her husband where he died while she was living, until she completes her waiting period, if that is possible. If she cannot, for example if the house was rented and the contract ended, or if she feels lonely with no one to stay with her, then she may go to her family’s house. There is no harm if she goes out for a need, like to the doctor, to court if there is a dispute, or for other necessities, then returns to her house.
- She wears ordinary clothes that are not beautiful or attractive. They may be black, green, yellow, or other colours, as long as they are not attractive.
- She avoids perfume, whether incense or other fragrances, except if she becomes pure from menstruation, if she menstruates. In that case, there is no harm in using incense after purification from menstruation.
- She avoids jewellery, whether gold, silver, or diamonds. She does not wear bracelets, necklaces, or rings, until her waiting period ends.
- She avoids using kohl and henna until she finishes her waiting period.
These are the five matters that the woman in mourning after her husband’s death must observe. As for other matters, she is like the rest of the people. She may change her clothes whenever she wants. She may bathe whenever she wants. She may wash her hair with shampoo or sidr, there is no harm. She may walk in the garden of her house, on the roof, under the moonlight or not, whether wearing shoes, slippers, or barefoot, all is permitted.
She may speak on the telephone to whoever she needs, whether a man or a woman, as long as the speech is permissible. There is no harm in speaking on the phone if someone calls her, provided the speech is permissible.
As for flirtation with young men or strangers, that is not allowed, neither for the woman in mourning nor for others. It is haram for all. But if the speech is only a question, a condolence, a supplication for her, or about a need, there is no harm in that.
Even if it is with a non-mahram, as long as it is clean speech, free from haram, like giving salam or asking about a need. Or if she calls her brother, her father, or another person to ask about something she needs, there is no harm in this. May Allah grant everyone success.
The Hanafi fuqaha made it clear that the woman in mourning for her husband’s death must avoid adornment.
(Click on arabic text to see online book for the quotes)
Al Samarqandi (d. 539 AH) said in Tuhfat al Fuqaha (2/251-252):
تَفْسِير الْإِحْدَاد : هُوَ الاجتناب عَن جَمِيع مَا يتزين بِهِ النِّسَاء من الطّيب ، وَلبس الثَّوْب الْمَصْبُوغ ، والمطيب بالعصفر والزعفران ، والاكتحال ، والادهان ، والامتشاط وَلبس الْحلِيّ والخضاب ، وَنَحْو ذَلِك
“The definition of ihdad (mourning) is avoiding all that women adorn themselves with, such as perfume, wearing dyed garments, garments dyed with safflower or saffron, kohl, oils, combing, wearing jewellery, henna, and the like.”
And in Tabyin al Haqa’iq Sharh Kanz al Daqa’iq by al Zaylaʿi (d. 743 AH) (Hanafi) (3/34):
“A woman in waiting period due to her husband’s death must observe ihdad by leaving adornment, perfume, kohl, oil, except for necessity, henna, and wearing clothes dyed with safflower or saffron, if she is an adult Muslim woman. For the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: ‘It is not lawful for a woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to mourn for any dead person beyond three days, except for her husband, for whom she must mourn four months and ten days.
She must not use kohl, nor wear a dyed garment except a simple coarse garment, and she must not touch perfume except when she purifies herself after menstruation, then with a trace of costus or aloeswood.’ Agreed upon. And the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: ‘The woman whose husband has died must not wear safflower dyed clothes, nor garments dyed red, nor jewellery, nor henna, nor kohl.’ Reported by Ahmad, Abu Dawud, and al Nasa’i.”
The Hanafi fuqaha also permit the woman in her waiting period due to her husband’s death to go out during the day for necessity, such as earning and treatment, as long as she returns to her house to spend the night there.
It says in al Bahr al Raiq Sharh Kanz al Daqa’iq and Minhat al Khaliq (Hanafi) (3/34-35):
And al Kasani (d. 587 AH) said in Bada’iʿ al Sana’iʿ fi Tartib al Shara’iʿ (Hanafi) (4/167):
“(وَمُعْتَدَّةُ الْمَوْتِ تَخْرُجُ يَوْمًا وَبَعْضَ اللَّيْلِ) لِتَكْتَسِبَ لِأَجْلِ قِيَامِ الْمَعِيشَةِ …… فَلَا يَحِلُّ لَهَا أَنْ تَخْرُجَ لِزِيَارَةٍ وَلَا لِغَيْرِهَا لَيْلًا وَلَا نَهَارًا.
وَالْحَاصِلُ : أَنَّ مَدَارَ الْحِلِّ كَوْنُ خُرُوجِهَا بِسَبَبِ قِيَامِ شُغْلِ الْمَعِيشَةِ ، فَيَتَقَدَّرُ بِقَدْرِهِ ، فَمَتَى انْقَضَتْ حَاجَتُهَا : لَا يَحِلُّ لَهَا بَعْدَ ذَلِكَ صَرْفُ الزَّمَانِ خَارِجَ بَيْتِهَا”
This requirement of staying in the house and avoiding adornment during the waiting period is something upon which the fuqaha of the four madhahib are almost agreed.
الإحداد واجب على المتوفى عنها زوجها ، حتى تنقضي عدتها بشهورها أو بوضع حملها …
والإحداد : هو اجتناب جميع ما يتزين به النساء ، من حلي وصبغ وكحل وخضاب وثياب مصبوغة ملونة أو بيض يلبس منها للزينة … وأما الحلي والخاتم وما فوقه فلا يجوز للحاد لبسه ، وكذلك الطيب كله … وان اضطرت إلى الكحل : اكتحلت ليلا ، ومسحته بالنهار . ولا تقرب شيئا من الأدهان المطيبة … وكل ما لا زينة فيه فلا بأس للحاد من النساء به
As for the Hanbalis, Ibn Qudamah al Maqdisi (d. 620 AH) said in Umdat al Fiqh (1/107):
